Anzhelina Polonskaya: Rain

The rain came down all day.

The drops clattered against the iron benches

and Chekhov, ill, sitting on some sort of old-fashioned sofa,

came to mind.

That long day I never got out of bed.

I felt weighed down by the sleeping pill, like a cloud.

There's a limit to everything, it seemed to me.

But love passed and even yearning faded,

like a jackal baring her teeth in anticipation.

In sum, nothing remained — just my room.

The rain poured down it got dark.

And suddenly the whistle of a night train slashed through me

and I started to cry.

Because words can't say it.

Discussion Questions

• What feelings does Polonskaya’s poem “Rain” evoke for you? What feelings does it evoke for you when medicine doesn't have answers?

• What communication breakdowns do you think "problem patients" experience? How have you experienced communication breakdowns firsthand?

• How has this piece affected your image of ‘problem patients’ and their lived experience? What can you do to support “problem patients"? What kind of support would you need to do this consistently?

Reflections from #MedHumChat

“It evokes the loneliness of chronic illness, being left behind, life passing by and losing connection, "because words can't say it". It feels lonely and confusing.” —@OdyO11

“It reminds me of being a kid stuck inside on a rainy day. The world felt foggy and a bit unreal, and I couldn't wait for the rain to go away. Undiagnosed chronic illness might be like an eternal rainy day--stuck inside and never knowing when the storm will pass.” —@chioma_ndukweau

““weighed down… like a cloud” is a curious juxtaposition. It evokes the feeling of being detached from the world and yet the cloud’s existence is beholden to the forces of the wind—which, like a person’s illness—can be unpredictable and tyrannical” —@LanceShaver

About this #MedHumChat

“Rain” was paired with “Dear Problem Patients,” an essay by Brianne Benness for a #MedHumChat discussion May 5, 2021 on The Problem Patients’ Perspective.

Deepest gratitude to the curators of this chat: Brianne Benness (@bennessb) and long-time #MedHumChat participant Ody (@OdyO11), who wishes to remain anonymous. Thank you for your voices.

About the Author

Anzhelina Polonskaya is a poet author who is renowned for her direct and emotional poetry that breaks from traditional Russian style.